Wednesday, 4th January was the date when we would have been sent to the clinic, which can give us a chance to have a family. However we haven’t passed the vaping concern. All the results were in and papers ready, when the doctor asked the question if we smoke. We don’t smoke, however my partner vapes. It was noted when we first met the main doctor at the clinic. No concerns were risen at the introduction 2 and a half year ago. The doctor was dealing with us for the past year just assumed it was all clarified before. The main nurse offered to call the other clinic where they conduct the IVF to get further understanding – nice of her. The answer was that vaping is not yet classified any different from smoking as it is a new trend. I am not sure for how long can you call a trend new until it will become a thing, however we were let go with a no for now. I barely could control my emotions inside the treatment room, so I burst out crying once we were on the corridor. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t crying because my partner smokes. I was crying because my expectations were much higher for such a clinic. I felt betrayed, I felt like a number when sitting in the room. Every single time we go there the doctor needs to spend at least 20 minutes just to read through the previous files. Be ready for ?/&@sake. It made me feel like standing in Mcdonalds, when they shout NEXT!
How my partner felt about it? He thought I am crying because he let me down. He felt small and desperate to hear something from me. However all the emotions that burst out of me at that moment left me speechless. He was more concerned that I am disappointed in him. He didn’t wanted to see me crying. Once I have calmed down I explained the reason of my tears. He felt better after that. He did nothing wrong, he felt the same as me.