I had a glass of white wine, Purato, which is my current favourite. It is light and delicate enough to drink it by itself. I am not hungry, but I like to snack on some sunflower seeds. It is salty and bad for my teeth, but currently it is my guilty pleasure.
I am not sure if this post will ever get published as I feel embarrassed drinking alone. But on the other hand, I have to admit that it opens up a gate. Two glasses break down the whole wall that previously stopped my blogging. I just write without any challenges after a couple of glasses. Obviously it is not a great way to embark on a blogging journey, however it might gets me into a habit of writing.
This week was all about work. Unfortunately not physical one, which means I hadn’t managed to fit in any runs all week. It made me doubt myself if I should really pursue with my goal to run the Richmond Half Marathon. It didn’t help that I was on a nine days work marathon either.
WD3D1 – D6: I literally just slept, went to work, came home and slept again. I ate anything that was available in canteen (which was mainly carbs) and drank very little water. I felt awful by the end of the week.
WD3D7: Thursday – I managed to increase my step count, but it was way below the point I wanted to be by then (10 days before the HM). I knew I had to make the call, RUN or NOT to RUN.
Coincidentally the race day falls onto the same day when we move office… it was too much pressure. After a ‘quick’ reality check I had made a conscientious decision to pull out. My mental and physical health worth more than pushing my under trained body through 13.1 miles.
I called my racing body to give him a heads up. He was very understanding and we both decided to try to fit in a HM this year. Once work is more settled. After this conversation there’s just one thing left to do…. to forgive myself. Forgive myself to not train enough and the pull out of a commitment I had made 6 months ago when I signed up.
At least these bad boys are not jugging. I need to learn not to judge either.
I feel I have elevated somebody today. I am very cautious how I phrase this. I don’t mean elevated sb’s mood. But I think I have contributed to something much bigger. I made someone feel good about themselves by giving constructive criticism. I could see it with my eyes that it made the person feel good and boosted their confidence.
It made me feel good. It is something that I should do much more. Eventually I may learn how to elevate myself as well. Practice is key. One day I may become inspirational 🙂
Today I learn a great lesson from a friend. Nothing new, just a message that was said at the right time:
Time is the only thing we cannot reproduce!
You can only waste it or make the most out of it!
I chose the second. I am turning triple X in a couple of weeks. Instead of lethargy, I feel ecstatic. I cannot wait to start a new era. I would like to make the thirties the funnest years possible.
It all makes sense: Until now I was trying to behave more mature and show the word that I can achieve more at a young age. However I don’t have to show/prove anything as I have the age. Fun is what I definitely lack of and it has to change. Enough of the serious me, I shall open up and seek for new adventures.
In ten years time I would like to feel happy about all the fun things I will have done in these years.
I am less than 24 hours away from identifying my future path. I have been silent for more than a month now, but it doesn’t mean I have given up on Erola. I had to seriously reconsider what I would like to achieve in life.
Tomorrow finally I meet with the only person who can shed some light on my misery. I am pissing myself now. It could go horrible wrong or it could be super simple and productive.
If it is the first, I shall probably start looking for another job. If it is the later, I will have more time to spend here. Oh, my! I hope it is the later.
For now, I am trying to chill myself with some cocktail. Cheers and see you all tomorrow.
I have been asked three times today. No I haven’t… I have a migraine! Same answer over and over again.
I haven’t really recovered from the yesterday’s black out situation. I felt much better after dinner and I went to bed later. But this morning I just couldn’t wake up properly. I feel like somebody or something needs to pull me out of this blackness.
The voices are getting more distant. My attention fades. I can still hear the question addressed to me but but my response hardly makes any sense anymore. Then suddenly it is stronger than me and I shift to a deep deep place. That’s it!
— I am out! —
How long not sure. But there is nothing that could wake me. It is deeper than a sleep I am in a much darker place. I am blacked out.
When I wake after a couple of hours, I feel drunk. I feel I have been partying to exhaustion and drank all sort of sweet poison to numb my senses.
But I haven’t. I sit and my head starts spinning I feel I am going to through up and I scream for food. I feel heavy and disoriented. The center of my gravity just popped out of my body and it is still somewhere on the sofa below me. It is pulling me back to that deep deep place for some more. But I resist until food arrives.
Than I am human again.
p.s.: it happened to me 3-4 times in the past couple of weeks
Does this sound any familiar to you? It never happened to me until recently. Let me know if it makes sense or not.